


Don't Say Goodbye

by androgynousclintbarton



Series: Iwa Gai [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, M/M, NonBianary Tenzou, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/pseuds/androgynousclintbarton
Summary: Tenzou go's to visit their Senpai to try and cheer him up.
Series: Iwa Gai [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745467
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

Tenzou made his way up to their Senpai's house, a bag of groceries in one hand and the new Icha Icha paradise movie in the other. 

They were hoping their Senpai's favorite movie would lift his spirits a little. Bring a smile back to his face for the first time in days. He had been very distant and quiet since his last mission, refusing to leave his house for long periods of time or to even speak to Tenzou for more than a few sentences. 

It was a bit concerning. Tenzou had never seen him act like this before, and they had no doubt it had to do with what had happened during his last mission. 

The mission report had been clear. Kakashi's job was to intercept a high level rogue ninja and take them down. Bring them back to Konoha alive if possible, but it was not required. 

He usually wouldn't have been the one to take the mission since his work was supposed to be focused on Konoha and the improvement of their Anbu forces, but this one had required his skills.

His hound dogs.

And he had completed the mission without much of a sweat. Pakkun and the Ninkin had been able to hunt down their target with the piece of cloth that Rin had gotten from the bastard when he attacked her team during one of their missions. Kakashi had brought the rogue Ninja back alive for questioning, which was amazing considering no one had thought it would be possible. 

Yamato personally thought that Kakashi's effectiveness and skill with the mission would have brought him some recognition from the villagers.

Some respect.

Instead, all they could talk about was how he disappeared for a few days after bringing his target in. 

All they could think about was who Kakashi had gone to visit. How he had chosen to celebrate his successful mission. 

Yamato could understand why he was so upset when he came home again. It seemed like no matter what their Senpai did to protect the village, it was his relationship with that stupid Iwagarkure shinobi that everyone always focused on. 

They knocked on the door gently, six careful knocks to let their Senpai know who it was before they took a step back and waited.

No answer.

That was unlike Kakashi, but perhaps he hadn't heard Yamato's knock? 

They stepped forward and knocked once more, this time staying in their spot as they waited for an answer.

Still nothing.

"Senpai?" They called out, wondering if he was preoccupied with something else inside his home "Senpai i brought snacks!"

Silence was all they got in return. 

This wasn't right. They knew Kakashi was home. They had already checked his office for him, and it was unlikely that he had decided to go outside after all this time. 

Yamato always had to drag him outside when he got like this. 

"Senpai, i'm coming in!" They warned, dropping the dvd into the bag of groceries and reaching forward to grab the doorknob "please don't be naked!"

They turned the door knob, frowning when they found it locked.

Kakashi never locked his door. 

"Damn it." They took a step back and brought their foot up, slamming it against the area just under the doorknob and listening to the lock snap under the pressure. 

They'd pay for a new door later. 

"Senpai!" They stepped inside, scanning the area for any sign of Kakashi "Senpai this isn't funny! Why do you always…"

They stepped into the house and turned their head to look into the living room, expecting to see their Senpai sitting on the couch with a lazy smile on his face. 

What they saw was so much worse. 

The groceries crashed onto the ground, scattering everywhere as Yamato surged forward and dropped to their knees beside Kakashi. 

"Senpai!" Their hands searched frantically for a wound, somewhere that all the blood was coming from. "Senpai stay with me!" 

Finally they found it. A deep cut in Kakashi's stomach that was still gushing blood. 

They sealed their hands over the wound and looked around the room for a sign of what had happened. Who had attacked Kakashi in the safety of his own home. 

The answer they found hurt more than anything they could have imagined. 

Beside Kakashi's right hand was a Kunai drenched in blood. A kunai that didn't look like it had come from an enemy. 

A Kunai they remembered giving to their Senpai when he had been promoted to Head of Anbu. 

"Senpai…" their voice cracked, fear trembling in that one simple word "why…"

They didn't need the answer. There was only one reason why Kakashi would have felt that this was his only escape. Why this was ever necessary.

And for the first time Yamato found themselves cursing the villagers of Konoha. The people who had made their Senpai feel so worthless. 

So hated.

"Tenzou…" their head snapped up when they heard their Senpai's voice, weak with exhaustion, and their hands trembled against the wound when they saw Kakashi staring back at them with his good eye. "You…"

"Don't speak," they insisted, increasing pressure on the wound. "I'm going to get you to the hospital. You're going to be ok, Senpai."

A small smile pulled at Kakashi's lips, but the sadness in his eyes was too hard to ignore. It pierced through Tenzou's heart.

They hated everyone who had made their Senpai feel this way. Those who took away his kind smile and soft eyes. 

They hated them more than they had ever hated anyone before. 

"Tenzou," they blinked, unsure of when exactly they had started to cry "stop…"

"No," they increased pressure on the wound in defiance "no, I'm not letting you do this. I'm not…" the words caught in their throat. 

"It's ok," that smile was still on Kakashi's face and Tenzou hated it. There was nothing ok about this entire situation. "Konoha's better off this way."

"I'm not!" They snapped, screwing their eyes shut as the tears ran down their face "i don't want this. Do I not get a say!?"

They didn't open their eyes, too afraid of what they would see. Terrified of what might be said to them with that stupid smile. 

"Tenzou…" they're certain something was supposed to follow their name, some sort of apology or maybe a promise. 

Nothing came. 

* * *

Tenzou paced the floor outside of the Emergency unit, drumming their fingers impatiently against their arm as they waited for news. 

They had been lucky that Tsunade Sama had already been at the hospital when they arrived, doing one of her weekly check-ins to make sure everything was running smoothly. If she hadn't been…

They shook their head.

Now wasn't the time for those thoughts. Tsunade Sama would make sure Kakashi lived. She wasn't known as the best Medical Ninja around for nothing. 

"You're panicking," they turned their attention to Rin, surprised by her sudden appearance "you think word didn't get around?"

They had no doubt that word had gotten around. It would have been impossible for people to not notice the limp, bloody body they had carried to the hospital. 

What surprised them was the fact that anyone had bothered to show up.

"Is he doing ok?" Rin stepped past them and looked into the surgery room, making a noise of disapproval when she couldn't see Kakashi "what was he thinking?"

"Isn't that obvious?" Tenzou scoffed "he was thinking no one in his own village trusts him. That no one even wants him here."

"That's stupid," Rin argued "you and i are both here, Tsunade Sama is worried…"

Tenzou shook their head "is that enough though?" They asked "he seemed convinced that Konoha was better off if…"

The words refused to come. They still couldn't believe what they had seen. All the blood, the Kunai he had given his Senpai laying on the floor beside him . What their Senpai had been willing to do in order to escape all of the judgement and hate. 

"Kakashi is a Leaf Shinobi," Rin reminded them "no matter what anyone else says or thinks, he will always be a leaf shinobi." 

"Tell that to the rest of the village," Tenzou whispered "because they don't seem so convinced."

Rin scoffed at the reminder "they're wrong," she assured them "they've always been wrong, ever since these stupid rumors started when we were kids."

Tenzou was about to respond when the doors behind Rin swung open, allowing Tsunade Sama to step outside. 

Their stomach turned when they saw all of the blood on her personal protective equipment. 

"Lady Tsunade…" 

"He's fine." suddenly all of the worry washed away. Kakashi was fine, he was alive. 

He was safe. 

"What do we do now?" Rin spoke up, pulling Tsunade and Tenzou's attention over to her "Kakashi's going to have to be under constant watch."

"I'm certain Tenzou has already decided to take up that task," Tsunade looked over at them, sighing when they nodded their head in confirmation "otherwise, the only thing we can do is make him sit down with a therapist."

Tenzou scuffed. Kakashi wasn't the talking type and being forced to speak to a therapist wasn't about to change that. 

Beside's, the solution was easy. 

"What about the villagers?" They asked "do they just get to keep spewing the bullshit they always spew? Does he go to therapy and feel better for 5 seconds before stepping outside to hear all of that garbage all over again?"

"I can't control what they say," it was an apology of sorts and Tenzou knew it. Even as the Hokage, Tsunade had no say in what others thought or said. She had no right to step in and tell them to quit doubting Kakashi no matter how much she herself trusted him. "All i can do is try to help him understand that this is not the answer. That he's not alone."

"That's kind of hard," Rin sighed. "I mean, he was 5 when his dad…"

The room fell silent. Tenzou had forgotten about the great white fang. They had heard the stories of course, everyone in root had. Danzo had used the white fangs fall from grace as an example of what not to do if they wanted to live. 

"I'm not going to let Kakashi end his life like his father," Tsunade assured both of them "we'll let him rest for now. You can visit when he's awake."

Turning his eyes towards the room that Tsunade had emerged from just a few minutes ago, Tenzou sighed. 

They were certain they had done the right thing saving Kakashi, but somewhere deep down in their gut they felt like it didn't matter.

Like none of it would matter until the issue at hand was dealt with.

Problem was, they didn't know what the best answer was when it came to Might Gai. 


	2. Chapter 2

The wind blew through Tenzou’s hair as they jumped through the trees, their eyes forward and focused on their mission. It was an easy one. Simply take out a low level Mist shinobi that had been causing troubles for Konoha lately, nothing that required too much thought of effort.

They were thankful for that. They had gone to Lady Tsunade requesting a mission after weeks of watching over their Senpai, making sure he didn’t make a second attempt on his life. It had been hard. Seeing Kakashi so down and closed off was painful. It was as if he had given up completely.

As if his life had already vanished from his body, leaving nothing behind but an empty husk. Tenzou would believe it more if Kakashi wasn’t still working as hard as ever to keep the Anbu corps fit and organized.

They had needed the breather. A chance to clear their heads before continuing their post watching over Kakashi.

A getaway, just for a short period of time.

Their eyes darted to the right when they felt a familiar Chakra closing in. Now was the worst time for one of these stupid meet ups.

“Yamato!” They rolled their eyes. Why was this man always so happy to see them? They hated him. “Yamato, I wasn’t expecting to see you all the way out here.”

Might Gai came to a stop on the Tree branch beside him, that stupid smile plastered on his face as always as he looked Yamato up and down. Something Yamato had learned to recognize as Gai doing a check up. Making sure they weren’t injured.

“I haven’t even started my mission yet,” The assured him, crossing their arms over their chest in annoyance “and how do you always find me? Do you have a tracker on me?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t tell you,” Gai smiled. If Tenzou wasn’t certain the man had no clue how to even acquire a tracker, they might have been genuinely concerned by the comment “what are you doing all the way out here anyways?”

“Looking for a target,” They said simply, not wanting to divulge too much information in case Gai was looking for the same Shinobi as them. If he was…well, he always made it a habit of demanding they work together if they happened to have the same target, and working with Gai right now was the last thing they wanted to do “If that’s all, I really need to get going.”

They moved to continue on their path, only to find Gai standing directly in front of them.

Of course he wasn’t going to make this easy.

“Kakashi…” They winced. Gai always asked about Kakashi when he saw them, especially if he hadn’t seen him in a while. “Why hasn’t he been sending me any messages, or coming to visit?”

Tenzou wasn’t exactly sure how they were supposed to respond. They could tell Gai that Kakashi was simply busy, but he was unlikely to believe that. Kakashi was never too busy to pay his boyfriend a visit, or send one of the Ninkin with a message to Iwagakure.

The other option was to tell the truth, but they didn’t think that would end well at all. If Gai was on a mission it would be dropped quickly in favour of going to Konoha to check in on Kakashi, and that only risked making things worse if he was caught.

They were stuck in an impossible situation.

“Yamato…” the smile was gone now, replaced by a look of annoyance.

It seemed like they had little choice in the matter.

“He’s back in Konoha,” They caved “resting.”

The look Gai gave them said that there was still more that needed to be explained, and Yamato hated that. They especially hated that they had learned to read the man’s facial expressions so well.

“He had a visit to the hospital after his last visit to you,” They shrugged, trying not to give away too much. Kakashi wasn’t going to be happy if Gai showed up unannounced at his house worried and ready to fight the entirety of Konoha. “He needs his rest.” 

“What happened?” Panic. That was unavoidable but it still annoyed Yamato. Why was Gai, an Iwagakure Shinobi, the only person outside of Yamato, Rin, and Lady Tsunade, who ever worried about Kakashi. Even when they weren’t bad mouthing their Senpai, the villagers of Konoha hardly ever showed concern for him. He had come home drenched in blood and exhausted before and people had scattered, giving no care for his need of medical attention, no worry for his mental state. They just left him where he was and ran.

“Is that really important?” an angry look told them that it was. “Fine, but you have to promise not to go to Konoha.”

“I am making no such promises,” Gai growled “now tell me what happened.”

“Not until you promise,” Tenzou put their foot down. It was too much of a risk to have Gai go to Konoha “He’ll come to you when he can, I’ll even…” they chocked back their pride “I’ll make sure he does.”

Gai seemed to relax at the sound of Yamato’s promise, backing down instantly and diverting his gaze for a moment while he thought about it. “Fine,” he sighed “fine, I promise I won’t go to Konoha.”

“Good,” Yamato straightened themselves up and took a deep breath “He’s …” they cringed as the memory hit them. they could still smell the blood that had stained his Senpai’s floor. Hear the weak voice that greeted them. See the sadness in their friends eyes as he looked up at them, thinking that this was the only way for his pain to go away.

“Yamato!” they blinked, looking back up at Gai to find that he had closed the distance between them. He was now standing directly in front of them with a worried look on his face “what happened?”

They lowered their eyes “He…he tried to kill himself,” they whispered, shivering when Gai’s body language shifted. Suddenly the concern was gone. His fists had unclenched, his shoulders relaxed. He looked, defeated. “I went to visit him shortly after he got home and he was…”

“Don’t…” They had never heard Gai sound so defeated before. It was a little bit scary knowing that he could sound like his whole world had come crashing down around him “I don’t need to know the details…”

“I got him to the hospital though,” they assured him “Lady Tsunade was able to save him. To…to keep him alive…”

“But he’s not allowed out of Konoha until you’re all certain he’s not going to try again.” Gai nodded. He seemed to understand the drill. A broken shinobi was no use in the field. They were less likely to worry about getting a mission done. Less focused. Any mission, even the simplest one, could turn into a suicide mission. “Why…”

“The villagers,” Yamato admitted weakly “they’ve always known about his boyfriend. The person he has committed himself too. They don’t…they’re not comfortable with it.”

“So they make him hate himself?” Gai asked, sighing when Yamato simply nodded their head “this is my fault?”

“Senpai wouldn’t say that,” they whispered, even though they personally did think it was sort of Gai’s fault. Kakashi wouldn’t want them to say that. He’d want them to reassure Gai. To keep his spirits up as much as possible. “He made his choice, and he lives with it every day. He chooses Konoha over you every time he leaves. Every time he refuses to just…let himself stay with you. He does it so he doesn’t end up like his dad.”

“But that’s what happened,” Gai reminded them “His dad ended up on the floor of his home, bleeding to death as his son walked into the house to find him. And Kakashi did that to you now.”

their nails dug into their palm when they clenched their fists. It was hard, having to replay that scene in their mind. Having to see it over and over again every day. How their Senpai had ever lived with that visual of his father, they’d never know.

“He’ll get better,” they promised “we’re keeping watch. I won’t let him…”

A hand came down on their shoulder, forcing them to look up at Gai.

“I know you won’t,” for the first time ever, he didn’t feel the need to punch the man when he saw that stupid smile. This time, he felt…calmer. Safe. “Just take care of him Yamato. Let me know when I can visit.”

“Well…” they looked out towards their path. They still had a mission to finish “My mission shouldn’t take too long. If you don’t have one in a few days…”

“I’ll see what I can do about getting a few days off,” Gai promised “just…be safe on your mission. Kakashi won’t get better if he loses you.”

“Same goes for you…I guess…” they grumbled under their breath.

Gai slapped their shoulder and smiled that ridiculous smile of his “I’ll make sure I survive.” He promised proudly.

And for once, Yamato hoped he could keep that promise.


End file.
